On second thought

The fact that my magician feels as comfortable pulling a rabbit out of his hat as he does hand-pulling noodles in preparation for a hearty bowl of piping hot soup keeps me quiet.

That my lawyer is as good at opening statements as he is at opening a jar of expensive cornichons is more important than you think. 

That my personal chef roasts ring-necked pheasant about as well as he roasts anyone sitting on anything remotely resembling a dais proves he’s worth every penny I pay him (and even the rare Buffalo nickel tossed in his direction during the holidays).

That my gardener clips hedges with the same verve he clips scenes from action movies in an effort to create the finest compilation of explosions in this hemisphere, keeps me wanting more.

That my farmer plows through corn fields just as she plows through serious conversations is an integral, if unfortunate aspect of modern agriculture. 

That my in-house architect draws up blueprints as if he were drawing straws with fellow castaways, starving and shipwrecked, forces me to revisit Robinson Crusoe each spring. 

That my cat ejects hairballs the same way she ejects belligerent revelers outside trendy nightclubs gives me the only justification I’ll ever need to favor dive bars over popular hotspots. 

That my pilot sticks landings with the equal vigor she sticks up unsuspecting bank tellers in a dangerous game of chicken, makes me choose walking over flying more often than not.

That my therapist projects the future of my career with a similar style and panache she projects monologues in a burnt out, black box theater for no pay and no applause, makes me wonder what I’m doing on the couch in the first place.

That my bodyguard checks carefully for the location of each accessible fire exit with nearly the same passion he checks defenders in an enthusiastic game of pick-up hockey at his local rink still doesn’t make me regret a second I chose baseballs over pucks.

That my accountant crunches numbers with the same gusto he crunches unsalted almonds purchased in bulk from high-end gourmet grocery stores hasn’t surprised me yet.

That my painter paints landscapes with as broad a brush as she paints generalizations of any kind never ceases to amaze me.

Being well-rounded makes more than smart business sense. It’ll actually keep you afloat in most bodies of water, too. And not merely those with extremely high salinity like the Dead Sea.

Because buoyancy matters. Buoyancy always matters.