Every so often I’ll contact an industry maven, peerless thought-leader, or rabble-rousing do-gooder in my immediate interstellar orbit who’s working from the inside to change the game like only a game changer can. Today’s blessed diablo is Benedict St. Lucien. I’ve known Benny for years and watched admiringly from afar as he’s worked his way to the top. Like a fearless mountaineer, he knows the altitude is bad for his health but accepts it’s worth it simply for the view. A former Chief Story Guy at Boil, Bane and Burnback, Associate Creative Disruptor at Itchy & Itchy, and once, another lifetime ago, a Junior Wordsmith student at SCAM.
MTP: I see that you’re unemployed at the moment.
BSL: I prefer the term employed.
MTP: I’m not following.
BSL: It sounds better.
MTP: Do you have a job?
BSL: No.
MTP: What are the top three things ailing advertising right now?
BSL: For one thing, the elevators in most offices are far too slow. I grew up dreaming of elevators that were only a few screws away from teleportation. It’s bad for morale and it’s especially bad for transporting fresh fish without the benefit of a cooler. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been lucky enough to work somewhere that boasted refrigerated elevators.
MTP: Is that something you do often - carry fresh fish around at work?
BSL: I sure did. At my last agency, I instituted “Turbot Tuesdays” to give the employees something besides happy hour to look forward to. Did you know that the old Fulton Fish Market lasted from 1822 until 2005? Think of it. Fish smell doesn’t come out so easy after two centuries of deboning and deveining. I don’t care what sort of pressure wash technique you use. Fish stays. Fish always stays.
MTP: I was telling someone just the other day about the move to Hunts Point. Manhattan lost a piece of its soul when the bags of ice, low-level Mafiosi and crates of seafood headed north for good.
BSL: To be clear, I have nothing against the Bronx.
MTP: I once overheard you at a party say that “the problem with TV commercials is that they are 30 seconds and not 30 minutes. And until we band together as a unit and demand our products are sold with the same verve and gusto of the showrunners behind the Big Bong Theory and How I Bet Your Mother, how can we expect to reside anywhere besides our current address within a veritable cultural cesspool?”
BSL: Were you recording me?
MTP: Not me, per se. But you’re on the cloud somewhere thanks to those crafty Cupertino Cowboys.
BSL: I miss Steve. Boy did we have some great times together. Naturally, I was making a good point. I’d like to walk down the street and one day see some little kid stop eating his ice cream cone and say, to no one in particular, “there goes the greatest ad creative who’s ever lived.” But that kid isn’t going to say that or cease enjoying his frosty dessert unless we start to make live-action, multi-series scripted programs about toothpaste and dog food.
MTP: What do you say to people who say that you’re nothing more than a “thought-leader without thoughts, a game changer without game and a [expletive-deleted] idiot?"
BSL: Have they ever given a TED Talk after eating a full tray of magic mushrooms?
MTP: What’s your favorite word?
BSL: Splenetic.
MTP: Use it in a sentence.
BSL: “Boy is my spaghetti splenetic today.” "Can you believe how splenetic my spaghetti is?” "Who knew? Splenetic spaghetti. What will they think of next?"
MTP: Thank you so much for your time. I know you don’t give a lot of interviews, so this really means a lot.
BSL: Good luck and God bless.
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