You can't see it to believe it

You should already be wearing a mask. Just not the type you’re thinking of. 

Masks, while decent protection from germs and infections, are actually significantly better at obscuring personality defects and character flaws. But hiding those pesky features from a nosy public is equally as important. And unlike a virus, what’s wrong with your soul doesn’t dissipate in a few weeks or months. It’s in it for the long haul, getting stronger and stronger each year. So you need something sturdier to throw off the scent of the howling hoi polloi. A pair of specs may have worked for Clark Kent, but they won’t work for you. Because what you’re keeping under wraps isn’t a superpower.  

Would you believe me if I said that Jim Carrey the man was a mask, while the role he adopted in that famous film was his true persona and not some toxic green construct? No one wants to know who you really are - not friends, family, strangers or even enemies. They want to know who you'd like to be. That's what matters. 

Treat your personality the way you treat a backyard deck. With care, yes, but also a thick coat of waterproof wood stain. Something that’ll seal its exterior from the elements and any unwanted imperfections that occur with time. Regrettably, the smell is too strong, too toxic to be worn regularly. What you want is a mask that’s not nearly noticeable, but twice as effective. When that monsoon finally arrives, you want to be ready. And you want to be dry. 

When I was a boy growing up in medieval Sicily, chugging olive oil by the galloon and inhaling olives by the gross, masks were commonplace. They were worn by all sorts of people from across the social spectrum. There was no clear distinction between who wore a mask and who didn’t because everyone had something to hide. But they were too heavy to hold, too hot to breathe and way too hard to see through. Today’s masks are miles away from the silly, termite-infested ones of yesteryear. 

Today, our social media platforms are where we get fitted for the proper mask. For it to succeed, it needs to be comfortable. You’re going to wear this thing every day and night. Sleep is no respite from what you become. You need to ingest hashtags, emojis and constant line breaks in order to develop an uncritical audience. The last thing you want is push back of any kind. What comment sections should provide is a forum for fawning and out-of-joint back patting. Just be a regular guy to the folks. 

Even the finest, artisanal masks handmade from Gowanus canal driftwood rot and decay over time. The cracks show, revealing your true personality. This is no good. Unless you have an appropriate contingency plan for exactly this type of potentiality. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and it’s a video call, since that’s the norm nowadays. Your mask starts to slip. Your voice starts to crack. You don’t wave the white flag. No, you remove the old, weathered, worn out mask that’s served you oh so well lo these many years. You seemingly come clean, admitting what’s now quite obvious. You're not who you said you were. You do so only to reveal something, new, thinner, and practically invisible.

Another mask.