Remember how yesterday I told you that the sky was blue and Trading Places was one of the most criminally underrated films of the 20th century? Everything’s different now. The sky? I wouldn’t presume to classify its hue. It’s not my place. And as for that early Eddie Murphy vehicle, unusual in its ability to accurately depict the frenetic world of commodity trading. Well, too much time has passed to assess the picture objectively. Films are like fruit. Would you eat a plum from 1983? I think I just answered my own question.
Do you recall how I instructed you avoid large crowds, religiously wash your hands and wear a mask anytime you set foot beyond your front door? You do? Good. That’s very good. Listen up. What’s a crowd, really? I mean, how big does one have to be to get that label? Some people say three is a crowd. Others argue that’s it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of three million. Your hands are probably clean enough. The chafing is getting to be a problem and never has 20 seconds felt so excruciatingly long. Masks might have made sense during the Crimean War, but a balaclava in this weather? It’s practically the summer solstice, people.
Does the term “martial law” mean anything to you? I recall a short-lived television series from 78 or 79, starring Steve McQueen, entitled, Marshall Law. The ads for it were quite memorable. I can still hear Don La Fontaine’s sonorous voice narrating the opening montage. “The year was 1871. Dakota territory. In a world without laws, there was one man standing between order and chaos. Marshall Law was a lowly weaver from Ohio. He could stitch anything together. Sweaters, bath robes, even slippers. His family loom dated back to Colonial times, passed down for generations from fathers to sons. Now, trying to strike it rich out west, he had his hardest task ever. Trying to stitch society back together. No weapons to speak of though. Just a piece of thread and a few clean needles. The town was fraying. And he was the only Law around.” One episode there’d be a standoff in the town square. In the next, he’d literally darn a ripped overcoat for the entire show. It was a different time.
How about when I told you that constructing bike lanes across major cities was the most important issue of the day? Turns out, that may have been a slight exaggeration.
And do you remember how there was a viral pandemic making its way across globe, wreaking havoc and destruction? Me neither.
That’s it for today. But check back tomorrow when everything’s completely different.
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