The Blame Game

Come on down and see what’ve you won. But watch your step as you make your way to the stage. While no one on the crew is rooting for you to slip and fall, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Let’s say, in your exuberance, you do take a tumble and fracture a few ligaments on the deceptively harsh parquet. Have no fear. Should that happen, it won’t be your fault. It can’t be. Maybe on some other game show it would be. Just not here. Here, we’d help you place blame on the guilty party, even if no such individual or group exists. Maybe there was a lowly janitor excessively oiling the floor during a mid-show break, hoping for a cleaner sheen. What is this supposed to be? A studio or a bowling alley? The stairs themselves could not be up to code, too narrow for the routine downward gait of an average American. The point is this – you’ll be the one filing the lawsuit, not us. And you’ll be the one benefiting from it. 

Some are religious, others are litigious. We say: why not be both? Welcome, welcome. At the Blame Game, you never have to worry if it’s actually your fault. We take seemingly clear-cut cases and pin the blame on others, people or vague factors without much explanation. Nothing is too petty or far-fetched for us to consider.

Remember, folks, responsibility is someone else’s responsibility.

You’re probably wondering what exactly you’ve won. We take it you’ve heard of interns and assistants. Please, nod. 

Meet Reginald. Reginald? Come on down. Reginald is your very own live-in apologist. He goes with you wherever you go to provide a great deal of good cheer (and the man knows how to make a cocktail – isn’t that right, Reggie? Nod, please). He’s your ultimate cover, your most loyal supporter, your greatest defender. Never again will you lose an argument because it’s “he said, she said.” Meet the deciding, “he said.” No guest room? No problem. A futon should arrive in the morning and that’s all he requires. 

Thanks for playing, everyone. Now go forth and alibi.