The first mascot dates from at least 2500 B.C. While Egyptologists have debated the name of this curious character for generations (whether it was “Henry Pyramid”,“Pyramid Boy” or the simple “Steve Sand”), one thing they all agree on is that the Great Pyramids would not have taken hold of the kingdom’s national consciousness without an enormous marketing push. There’s a pretty solid historical record (what’s more solid than sunbaked dirt roasting for millennia?) that puts someone in a pyramid hat around this time. Where do you think Green Bay Packers fans got the idea for their cheese-laden headgear? He would wave at onlookers and pass out free tickets to local comedy shows (stop me if you’ve heard the one about The Pharaoh, Amon-Ra and Katy Perry boating on the Nile. They run aground and the Pharaoh says, “quick, everyone, grab your personal flotation device. I said, personal!).
Ramses Jones was born in Ancient Egypt a little over 4000 years ago. He was the third “Pyramid Boy.” Today, he splits most of his time between Mystic, Connecticut and Sarasota, Florida. We spoke over the phone earlier this morning.
MTP: Tell me about what mascots did in Ancient Egypt.
RJ: First of all, Ancient Egypt wasn’t a thing back then. It was just plain Egypt. The doughboys fighting in the Great War didn’t say “World War I sure is a real doozy, mom.” And no one attending The Godfather in 1972 called up friends and said, “part 1 was amazing.”
MTP: Did you socialize with fellow mascots of the day?
RJ: In the beginning, absolutely. We’d go to this one bar along the Nile, I think it was called the Cataract Lounge. All the fellas were there. There was Jimmy and Teti and me. And there was Anthony Sarcophagus. Frankie Cartouche. And then there was Moses Black's brother, Fat Sandy, and his guys, Frankie the Wab and Sphinxie No Nose. And then there was Pete the Mummy, who was Sally Canopic Jars' brother. Then you had Niley Eyes and Mikey Frankincense. And Jimmy Two-Truths, who got that nickname because when people died they had to prove their innocence against a list of sins and he would say everything twice like, “I’m gonna get the papyrus, get the papyrus.”
MTP: Wait a second, The Sphinx had its own mascot? Isn’t it kind of a mascot to begin with?
RJ: I don’t know. It was run by an entirely different hospitality group.
MTP: How’d you get involved with the Great Pyramids?
RJ: My father, Moses “Moe” Greene helped build them, working as a sub-contractor on the site. So I was around them from a pretty early age.
MTP: How do you explain your name then?
RJ: Ramses Jones is a stage name. You’re obviously not in show business, are you?
MTP: Not technically.
RJ: But actually, my agent called me about an opening in Giza. I was working odd jobs at the time, like stacking shelves at the Library of Alexandria. And mind you, this was centuries before the advent of the Dewey Decimal system. I can’t tell you what a nightmare it was finding books in that place. The only saving grace was that in those days every book was a picture book. I had this great alabaster coffee table…
MTP: What made you retire?
RJ: It wasn’t by choice. At first, I didn’t think much of the shifting fashions. It was a tomb – you think caskets are expensive nowadays? Nevertheless, we made most of our money off the gift shop. We’d been around for so long that it seemed like people would always visit. We survived the sandal-craze of 1850 B.C. But I knew it was over when we started selling togas. When the Romans came by with their smooth arches and bad attitudes, we were finished. People didn’t need us anymore.
MTP: Did they give a reason?
RJ: Not right away. All of a sudden, pyramids weren’t cool anymore. They started to get associated with shady financial schemes and dumb hats. But the death blow was when someone suggested on a nearby wall that the shape was a symbol of hate. The whole death cult thing. Personally, I never got that.
MTP: You live in Mystic. Have you seen Mystic Pizza?
RJ: D’Onofrio’s a dear friend.
MTP: You’ve lived a long life. Any secrets you care to share with the audience?
RJ: It’s funny, really. I started my career on a literal Necropolis, surrounded by death and here I am playing shuffleboard in Florida four thousand years later. I must've done something right. Diet’s important, clearly. I eat a lot of plums. I rarely get angry - only when looking for parking. Look, I’ve been lucky. The Pyramids are popular again, so that’s a blessing, too. They're nice enough to have me back for every Old-Timers' Day. What's that? [inaudible] I should really go. My lawn guy is gonna be here any minute. Thanks though.
MTP: No, thank you.
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