Thank you, thank you. Does anyone smell that? Based on the last ratings book, it sure isn’t success. But where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And in our case, lots of it. If you’re able to, please ignore those alarms, at least until I get to the end of my monologue.
Now, I’m used to making audiences pass out from laughter, but smoke inhalation is a first. It was supposed to be a small electrical fire in the parking lot. I guess there’s a lesson. You just can’t find good help committing insurance fraud anymore.
Oops, there goes the curtains. I knew they looked flammable. It’s always nice to be right about something. It’s been years since I sweated this much on stage. Really brings me back to those early days hitting the clubs only to dodge produce. They didn’t serve many fruits and vegetables in those days, but it always seemed to find its way into the hands of disgruntled audience members.
I knew I shouldn’t have listened when those inspectors told me to remove the asbestos from the studio. Live and learn I suppose. Or maybe just “learn.”
Got a great show tonight. Terrific guests. Mostly members of the Los Angeles County Fire Department, but what did you expect? And who knew that when my career went up in flames, my studio would too?
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