Apparently, Subway’s bread isn’t technically bread. That’s according to a group of nosy Irish scientists, decked out in traditional medical garb – lab kilts and bagpipe stethoscopes. These Emerald troublemakers are more concerned with sandwiches than vaccines. Imagine worrying about sugar content at a time like this. And in case they didn’t already know it: studying heroes doesn’t make you one.
What’ll they discover next? That Subway is also not an actual transit hub, with train cars made entirely of salami and provolone, sliding across greasy rails and into packed stations, welcoming commuters into peppered seats and onto salty poles. These people with their framed degrees and four-leaf clovers, are myth breakers. Who did it hurt (besides the people who ate the food) to believe that what they were consuming was actual bread? No one, as far as I can tell.
There’s much in this world we shouldn’t question. Why sleep on a mattress when a plank or well-spread mulch is all that’s needed for pleasant sleep? What does the Tooth Fairy do with her teeth? Jewelry? Currency? Hobby? These are the wrong questions, people.
It’s best to avoid asking. Accept the story and move on with your life. Unfortunately, it might be a little harder to do that around lunchtime. It’s why, when I hear something on the news, I say, “that sounds about right.” I laugh at jokes I don’t understand, nod along to movie references that fly miles above my head and enjoy food I have no taste for.
As I was taught long ago, there are only stupid questions.
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