Office Spacious

I dreamed I missed a call from St. Augustine, bored as you and me, reclining in his North African home, fattening up on grapes and heretical ideas, wondering what to make of his fellow automatons. The guileless hordes taking The Gospel as gospel. Not Augie. He was one of the first people to ask: do you really need a building to commune with the Big Guy? What does architecture have to do with salvation? Can someone wearing a funny hat explain what’s sacred about a flying buttress or an ionic column? Let me answer that in a word – no. In the Augustinian spirit, who says you need an office to work? It’s just a place to go, to pass the time. Fewer and fewer it seems, as more and more people have come around to the idea that offices reside in the heart and soul. Or at least somewhere in your lower extremities.  

The present moment has changed a lot of people’s minds. You don’t need to go into the office to be productive. But removing the office, despite the camaraderie that develops between rival colleagues and the dangerous euphoria felt after riding a rickety elevator, is merely the first step towards total work day absolution. 

Do you need a desk? If so, what for? To pile up papers you don’t read, scatter pens you don’t use, and fondle pencils you’re are too afraid to sharpen? This isn’t a kitchen. You don’t need space to rub a pork shoulder. Okay, so now that you don’t have a desk, why do you still have a chair? To sit in front of an empty void, gazing into the abyss, grappling with existential dread? No. Have you ever heard of a pillow? Sit on the floor, it won’t bite. Something may bite, yes. You can’t blame the floor for what lives on the floor, can you? It's an inviting place that offers room and board free of charge. What’s the carpet for? You’re not going to sleep there. Wood will do. Wood will always do.

Your computer’s a little large, no? And you have a monitor? Sheesh. Can’t you pretty much do everything on your phone these days? Would you be so kind as to safely throw that old thing down the company garbage chute? You don't have one? Some poor sap will take it off your hands. Why are you all dressed up and wearing a tie? In fact, why are you wearing a shirt? No one can see now. When you're not keeping up appearances, there's no one for you to appear to be.

When you think about it, do you really need a phone? Certainly not to speak to anyone. Do you need a job? Probably not. You don’t ideas to think. You just need an open mind and some decent square footage. And with all that space cleared out from where your office used to be, it looks like you’re in luck. Finally, a little breathing room to think. A job exists first and foremost in your psyche. Forget the rest of it. It’s only clutter.