Per usual, those in charge are preoccupied with banning things in order to influence human behavior. It doesn’t work. At least not the way they intended. Discovering fireworks are illegal where I live only sends me further into a pyrotechnic tizzy, a lucid dream state where everything smells like sulfur, nothing’s too bright and every day is the 4th of July. The trick is that you have to ban things people can easily live without, but for some reason haven’t realized it yet.
Drugs, marked by symptoms of withdrawal and addiction, are not good examples of this. There are too many complications. Cream, on the other hand, is ripe for prohibition. I’d like it if everyone drank their coffee like me – at dawn and as black as midnight. Okay, that's simple enough. Make cream and milk very difficult to get. I don’t think you’ll have an illegal market of the stuff. People will adapt. Will some weirdos put butter or almond milk in there? Naturally. These characters can’t be helped. Instead of worrying about spilled milk as some sort of liquid referendum on modern civilization – get rid of it entirely. Finally, we won't have a need for those stupid little single creamers, a shot of dairy depravity that adds nothing to your morning beverage. And sugar belongs on a cake, not in your coffee.
We need to ban more behaviors, too. Any actions that leave a black mark on society. Like pulling in front-first to an open parking space. Or referring to an American waiter as “garçon.” Or worse still – waving hello. Waving is for goodbye. Greetings should be marked by a subtle head nod like that of a confused dog, a slight smile like that of a puzzled cat, a vigorous clap like that of a lion tamer, or just the word, “howdy.” If you’re waving hello and waving goodbye, you’re being lazy. Sorry, but I make the rules.
I suppose we could not ban things and for the most part, trust people to take care of themselves. But where’s the fun in that?
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