Nom Nom Nom

 

For those seeking a cross between anonymity and immortality, noms provide a warm security blanket of notoriety. Notice how I didn’t say, “names.” This is, like a baguette or some au jus, something the French have accepted as their nominal, national legacy. 

Aside from the famous noms of du plume and de guerre – there happen to be others, for which, only the most confused and confusing individual could wish to adopt on a semi-daily basis. 

Nom du jour is a lot like soup du jour, except one does not assess a name solely on drinkability. People wishing to shed a name and try on a new one with each passing sun, a nom du jour is what they’re looking for. They don’t need a reason to pick a new identity, aside from boredom, something which creeps into their psyche around 3 or 4 pm every day. It can be a lot of pressure to come up with a new name, but the good news is that when selecting a below average moniker, one only has to maintain it for 24 hours (less when you factor in sleep).   

Nom de la mer is an idea I stumbled on body surfing at Rockaway Beach, not wanting to reveal my true name to alleged authority figures. When asked by a nosy park ranger for some identification, I said it was Don Sepio. Luckily, neither Greek mythology or deciphering anagrams are part of standard curriculum at park ranger school. 

Nom de la classe gives students the power to change into someone else for a chance. You might still fail the course, but by becoming a new person, it helps separate your own sense of self with the poor grades marking up your transcript.

 

Some people like to become different people in the bedroom (nom de la chambre) or the bar (nom de taverne) or on a transatlantic flight (nom de voler). While others prefer adopting their pet’s name (nom de chien) or see a clear dividing line between themselves with stimulants and without (nom avant la café). There are those who believe they are different on stage (nom en dansant) than when they are eating (nom au dîner). 

Still, most of the aforementioned noms are general, not specific. The purpose of most is to achieve a sort of common universality. Take the mangnificnet nom en mangeant une déliceuse prune. This is not about someone who adopts a different name while eating just any old stone fruit, but only a delicious plum. Many a rascal has opted for the nom en étant un idiot. There are many, many more. For the blizzard lovers among our ranks, a nom de la neige de plus six pouces wouldn’t bat an eye lash at any accumulation under half a foot. Religious minded folks with a devious sensibility are often found to have a pew preferred nom pour Dieu, in case their birth name has too many sins on the ledger. 

But that’s just to nom a few.