Types of People

There are only two types of people in the world. People who believe there are two types of people in the world and people who don’t. But what about Mars, or is that now considered part of the world in the same way East Rutherford, New Jersey gets lumped in with the long, greedy arm of the Empire State? Are there two people up there, red-blooded renegades revved up for reality on the Red Planet? I guess there are two more types of people in the world. Those who want to go to Mars and those who want an almondless Mars bar, not realizing that it’s just the Euro-version of a regular ol’ Milky Way.

Like everything from telegraphs to fax machines, this is a rather recent development. There used to be three types of people in the world. People who believed in God, people who didn’t believe in God and people who believed they were God. Sadly, the prophet-sharing model has made its way only partially to the solar-paneled landscapes of Silicon Valley. You might say that certain famous billionaires believe themselves to be Gods. But I doubt it. If these gents really thought that were the case, they wouldn’t be wearing helmets or perfecting safety devices on their vehicles. Deities don’t require spacesuits – space is their home. It’s like asking someone to wear a helmet around the house. What’s heaven if not the Heavens? The self-proclaimed Gods I notice are those sleeping in trash-filled vestibules on public transportation. To be a true believer, you need to be a little crazy. 

Before that, there were four types of people in the world. Those who thought the world was flat, those who thought the world was round, those who didn’t think much about it and then those who didn’t really understand geometry. 

But I guess before there were two types of people in the world there were simply two people in the world. I wonder what they did to pass the time. It usually starts by sharing a Twix.