The way I think about it is a lot like the way I think about God. You want to believe in God? Fine. But the moment you let another young, strapping God into the mix, you might as well let the whole damn pantheon inside. You can’t allow in one extra deity, a divine Tom Hagen, to sitteth righteth nexteth toeth theth Big Guy, thinking that will be the end of it.
It won't be.
When someone says, “I’m a polytheist” they don’t quantify the poly, do they? Once you’re dealing with two Gods, you might as well welcome in another two hundred. You’re already getting dinged by the monotheists for going off the reservation, it's only appropriate to at least get your money’s worth. The process quickly devolves into a notoriously bureaucratic process. Personally speaking, I can see the appeal. In monotheism, for every problem you are essentially asked to contact the CEO and founder. In the realm of customer service, that’s not a viable system. But if in early April, you tell me to contact the God of Tax write-offs right after praying to the God of Tax Extensions, I might be cautiously optimistic. You’re not asking a lot of each God in this paradigm. The God of Corn doesn’t have to worry about having anything other than a cursory understanding of corn whiskey. There are plenty of other deities concentrated on distilled spirits, devoted to spending eternity making moonshine. Gods of small things tend to be more down to earth than a singular force living literally on a cloud. But that’s just me. In monotheism every complaint is already elevated to the point where there's nowhere further to ascend to.
Similarly, when it comes to facts, a second story leads quite conveniently into a third and fourth, in no time making you doubt your initial grasp of events. Debate is the worst thing that ever happened to human beings. We were given the ability to nod in agreement early on, before even language. Let's use it.
The only side to any story is the one you’re seeing at that moment. Like a good actor who protects the pock-marked side of their face when couch surfing between low rated late night programs, you ought to do the same. It’s much easier to get on someone’s good side when that’s all you see. Don’t let anyone view your blemishes. Poor lighting and facial cream are your friends. Remember that.
On those rare occasions where I go out in public to make a mandatory court appearance, I tend to do the same, fidgeting to pivot in profile inside the witness box. There’s a reason this is how our greatest citizens posed for coin based immortality. Full frontal faces leave in too many creases and craters. George Washington’s side view is what we see on the quarter and the Purple Heart. And that ought to be it. In a cashless society, it will be.
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