When puzzled by inexplicable, seemingly sudden shifts in modern mores, I think of a witty, oft-repeated line retold by a schoolteacher from my exceedingly distant past.
“People didn’t wake up one day and suddenly realize it was the Renaissance. It was much more gradual that.”
There wasn’t a massive, sudden, and collective sensation akin to a zombie plague, where court painters immediately understand how to use perspective and parish priests were overcome with unimaginable doubt regarding their own place in the universe. While this may have been true for Europeans living during this period, for New Yorkers witnessing the onslaught of annoying little scooters, it sure seemed to happen overnight. One day, there were bicycles and cars, pedestrians and food trucks pulled uphill by out-of-shape hot dog vendors, and the next day, the entire city was overrun with carefree tourists in flip flops weaving in and out of traffic on bright blue scooters.
Who was ready for that? The Atomic Age had its perks and a few rather notable drawbacks. What then has the scooter brought us? It is a vehicle without a country, stuck in the middle, appealing to no one. It has neither the power of a car, nor the the moral superiority of the bicycles.
It’s like being a pescatarian. You don’t want to kill animals, fine. But fish remain glaringly on your nightly hit light because they lack fur and you can’t hug a sturgeon. You want to save the world but you’re still riding around on a scooter. Pony up for a hummer while the getting is good.
And this is New York City. There are buses and subways for the publicly minded resident. Do we really need ziplines bisecting Midtown? No. That’s what a scooter is, a pointless addition to a crowded place. At least food trucks serve another function – they serve food. Unless scooters want to have an industrial smoker installed where the second seat currently occupies, I say it’s time to get these vehicles off the road.
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