Little Plumber Boy

“No answer. Nobody’s available tonight,” said Joseph, frustrated by the lack of response. 

“It’ll be fine. We’ll just sleep outside in the manger. It’s not too cold out,” said Mary.

 

“I tend to agree, but when that water heater is living on borrowed time. When it bursts, it’s gonna go sky high.”

 

“I’m not worried about it. The baby’s fine, in case you were concerned,” she said.

 

“Oh yeah? Have you tried calling your boyfriend, maybe he has a solution,” said Joseph.

 

“I already told you, he’s not my boyfriend. But he works nights.”

 

“Of course, he does.”

 

There’s never a good time for your pipes to burst, toilets to clog, or gas to leak. But when it happens over the holidays, things can be even more trying and stressful on all parties involved. The birth of a first child can drum up extra anxieties in the parents. 

 

“Um, there are these three strange men here bearing gifts.”

 

“Like what,” asked Mary.

 

“Spices, I think,” said Joseph.

 

“I bet most of ours are expired, we could use a refresher.”

 

“I thought myrrh didn’t expire.”

“Everything expires.”

 

“Even water heaters,” said Joseph, snidely. 

 

The next few hours went off without a hitch. Gifts were exchanged, songs were sung, and the baby slept. At around 3 AM a little boy in overalls woke everyone up with a loud knock.

 

“Hi, someone called about a water heater,” said the boy.

 

“Yeah, I did, but that was hours ago. And you’re just a kid.”

 

“Look, I come from a long line of plumbers.”

 

“All right, follow me back to the house and I can show you what’s wrong.”

 

Joseph showed the boy a bucket of freezing cold water.

 

“You’re fire’s out. Did you know that? Do you have insurance?”

 

“I never considered it before,” said Joseph, getting more and more frustrated at the patronizing tone of this child on the day of his son’s birth.

 

“I tell you what I can do. I can come by in the morning, everyone’s asleep now, and we can install a brand new, top of the line heater. We’re talking what Caesar Augustus uses in the Roman baths. He swears by it. This is what Cleopatra used.” 

 

“Sounds expensive.”

 

“Consider it a gift. I saw those old guys handing out spices and I kinda got a kick out of it. Not too wise to give things for free, but whatever, they’re trying to cultivate long-term loyalty. Brad building, or something.  

 

“I guess that sounds okay. But you still seem awfully young to be a licensed plumber.” 

 

“You might say I started young. I was clogging my mother’s birth canal and helped ease my own delivery. From then on, I’ve been a member of Plumbers Local Number 700 out of Galilee. Some people choose careers, mine chose me.” 

 

“Something tells me my son is the same way.”

 

“You seem like a nice guy. I’ll give you a rare thirty-three-year warranty.”

 

“Why that long?”

 

“You’ll understand eventually. Merry Christmas.”

 

“What?”