1. It has a bad aftertaste.
2. It has a bad beforetaste.
3. It has a bad duringtaste.
4. It has a bad the nextdaytaste.
5. It has a bad smell.
6. It has a bad look.
7. It has a bad feel.
8. It has a bad sixth sense.
9. It’s a waste of water.
10. It’s a waste of aluminum.
11. It’s a waste of cardboard.
12. It’s a waste of pasteurization.
13. It’s a waste of Anheuser-Busch.
14. It’s a waste of advertising.
15. It’s a waste of time.
16. It’s a waste of money.
17. It’s no Acqua Panna.
18. It’s no Evian.
19. It’s no Poland Spring.
20. It’s no Fiji.
21. It’s no Kirkland Signature Purified Drinking Water.
22. It’s not even Dasani.
23. You’re not a fan of German “technology.”
24. You’re not a fan of the color blue.
25. You’re not a fan of referring to alcoholic beverages as your friend, pal, or bud.
26. You believe things you can crush belong in trash compactors.
27. You believe funnels should only be used in baking.
28. You believe shotgunning involves sitting in the front seat and nothing else.
29. You believe in savoring things.
30. You believe in relishing things.
31. You believe in enjoying things.
32. You’re not a sadist.
33. You’re not a masochist.
34. You’re not a moron.
35. You’re not an imbecile.
36. You’re not an idiot.
37. You’re not a dope.
38. You’re not a fool.
39. You’re not a troglodyte.
40. You’re not a spring breaker.
41. You’re not in college.
42. You’re not in high school.
43. You’re not on probation.
44. You’re not on parole.
45. You’re not on the run.
46. You’re not on the lam.
47. You’re not under indictment.
48. You’re not doing time.
49. You’re not out of control.
50. You’re not hungover.
51. It won’t age well.
52. Your friends won’t age well.
53. Your decisions won’t age well.
54. You won’t age well.
55. You like yourself.
56. You like the finer things in life.
57. You like Coors.
58. You like Miller.
59. You like Budweiser.
60. You like drinking out of the toilet.
61. You like drinking out of the garbage can to rescue the remaining liquid present upon emptying each bin.
62. You like drinking raw sewage.
63. You like drinking from squalid amoeba-laden lakes.
64. You like drinking from a melting down nuclear reactor.
65. You like drinking from an active volcano.
66. You like drinking straight from the ocean.
67. You like drinking acid rain.
68. You like drinking from a hummingbird’s nectar straw.
69. You like drinking out of lead-covered bathtubs.
70. You like drinking out of a barnyard trough.
71. You don’t like beer.
72. You like beer.
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