Sweet Lieu

 

In lieu of a personality, I have a closet full of expensive trucker hats for every mood, day of the week, and lunar phase. 

In lieu of intelligence, I have a bookcase of important tomes I have never read.

In lieu of an appetite, I have a fridge lined with health foods from every continent. That includes a tray of ice pops from the good people at McMurdo Station.

In lieu of friends, I have a collection of mint condition figurines. 

In lieu of arguments, I have a list of things you aren’t allowed to say to me. 

In lieu of salad dressings, I have a tub of ice-cold blue cheese. 

In lieu of pants, I have plenty of overly steam-cleaned rugs.

In lieu of water, I have sparkling water.

In lieu of principles, I have maniacal obsessions. 

In lieu of pillows, I have an emoji-only relationship with Mike Lindell.