Friday, January 19, 2024

Meathead Theory

 

The Zapruder film plays on a small television set…

 

Meathead:      Listen, Arch. I have it all figured out. 

 

Archie:             What? Then why do you still have a mustache? 

 

Meathead:      I’m talking about The Kennedy assassination. After all these years, it finally makes sense to me. I’ve been doing all my own research.  

 

Archie:           I suppose it’s easy to find the time if you don’t got a job. 

 

Meathead:    The findings of the Warren Commission just don’t add up. I’ve been looking into things. 

 

Archie:             Would you look into the fridge and grab me a cold one? 

 

Meathead:      I’m being serious.

 

Archie:             So am I.

 

He goes into the kitchen and gets a can of beer.

 

Meathead:      Only saps believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. 

 

Archie:             I never liked Marines. So if not him, then who? 

 

Meathead:      It was the CIA, the Mafia, the Cubans…

 

Archie:             That school book depository would get pretty crowded with all those people. 

 

Meathead:      They weren’t all there at once. It was a conspiracy. 

 

Archie:             Fancy word. You learn that in the library? 

 

Meathead:      No…

 

Archie:             What makes you think you got all the answers, smart guy? 

 

Meathead:      I did my homework. You gotta trust me on this one.

 

Archie:             I can trust you about as far as I can throw you. That’s not a bad idea. 

 

Meathead:      When are you gonna wake up, Arch? 

 

Archie:             After my nap. Which reminds me. Let’s table until dinner. 

 

Archie goes upstairs. 

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