After a long weekend bathed in butter and gratitude, most everyone wakes up Monday looking for a way out of their self-inflicted carbo-wilderness. But too many seek solace in empty plates and clean sinks. They often choose a familiar route found endlessly browsing online for deals and discounts. I wasn’t planning on buying a four-person Jet Ski with built-in WiFi this year, but for a price like that, how can I possibly pass it up? It would be a crime to not install a Safe Room in my home, especially when you consider the savings. A crime for which, there’d be no defense. Law firms wouldn’t answer my calls and home invaders would give me a real dressing down before breaking and exiting. And to think, the company was going to throw in enough baked beans and bottled water to last the century. So much for worrying about what to cook each night.
Still, to buy something simply for the deal is to let others decide your happiness. Would you believe what alien insurance costs the other 364 days of the year? While plenty of people get misty-eyed and wobbly-footed when glancing at mind-bending sales, there’s another way to get by.
Fiber. I know, I know. You’ve eaten enough. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it’s time to finally build that greenhouse and make room for a few generous banana trees. Or you could opt for asteroid-resistant windows, a priority of yours ever since you watched The Land Before Time. It could’ve been the sequel: Whatever That Is Up There In the Sky, I'd Say It’s Getting Closer. You’re not a gamer either, but you might just buy some stock in one of the principal entities, putting wrists to the test. Can I interest you in an avocado instead?
Go with what you know. Fruits, nuts, lentils, whole grains, fiberoptic cable, and anything else you might be able to sew into a shirt with a little practice and a straightforward non-Ikea set of directions. Or you could just keeping stuffing it.
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