Sore Leusser

  

Don’t believe what you’ve heard, I’m a winner for real,

They’re all out to get me, if you don’t watch, they’ll steal.

This is my job to keep, because those were the stakes. 

I’ll whine and I’ll cry for as long as it takes.

How I look good for my age, I’m seventy-four, 

Acting like a baby tossing food on the floor. 

I’m a poet of a short verse, just read my Twitter.

How can I give up? What am I? A quitter? 

Everyone wants me to concede, that much I know.

You seem to have all the answers, where should I go? 

Maybe some place like Brazil or Estonia.

Although I could first use a pardonia. 

Should I start a network or do a one man show? 

Picture Spalding Gray with his assets in escrow.

Find your tickets at will call on opening night,

Unless the government intends to indict. 

The country has spoken, there won’t be an encore.

You want a mulligan for last time? Then yell fore. 

How I hate income taxes and paying my share,

This election proves democracy ain't fair.

My enemies will miss me once I’m not around.

You wait and see, those are their ratings going down.

What did you think of my speech? I wrote it myself. 

Moved Churchill and Lincoln to a lower shelf. 

So please let me be, let me stay in denial.

If not forever, then at least till the trial.

I have a few regrets, ones that I won’t withhold. 

Like the White House, I should’ve painted it gold. 

How can historians judge me after this fraud?

Soon I’ll be living elsewhere, in jail or abroad. 

I’m not equipped to cope with something like defeat.

I don’t smoke or drink, but I know how to cheat.

They will say that I’m depressed and prone to boo hoos. 

But I’m of sound mind, what they claim is fake blues.

I tried to do the math and add up every vote,

Which reminds me to stiff the guy building my moat. 

Word on the street is that my wife will divorce,

I may send my condolences from the golf course.

What comes next? Perhaps Junior should run in four years.

He’s like me but diluted – remember near beers?  

I doubt I’ll retire and empower an heir,

If anything outlives me, surely it’s hair. 

Look at the Founders, with their ridiculous wigs,

Who viewed their constituents as guinea pigs. 

My critics say I destroyed societal norms,

But George Wendt’s still here, outliving other life forms. 

Not that I loved Cheers or its sitcomic approach,

It was simply never the same after Coach.

Two months left in office is still plenty of time,

To make a big mess without committing a crime.

I might just transition, Donna’s got a nice ring. 

Me as the first female president would sting.

How did this happen? And to me of all people.

Why should I pray? My towers trump any steeple. 

I treated America like an abuser.

I’m not the president. I’m just a loser.