Simple Grifts

 

There’s the Spanish Prisoner, the Nigerian Prince, and the Corsican Plumber. Then there’s gold-bricking, coin-matching, and doubloon-flipping. You could play Three-card Monte, Two-book Brontë, or One-quip Kanty. Anyone can get fooled by a pigeon drop, chicken flop, or pheasant mop. Watch out for the bar bill scam, the barbell scam, or the barbecue sham. Be careful around art students, wedding planners, or postal workers. It’s not always safe in a recovery room, diploma mill, or with a license to kill. It’s a mistake to trust every auctioneer, psychic, or grandmother. Walk past dropped wallets, tossed coin purses, and blank checks. Tech support is not what it seems. Neither is fortunetelling. 

These are the schemes of people who refuse to take life as it comes – making more than they deserve, more than they need. However, each and every one of these tricks is a little too complicated. It takes time, practice and the luck of finding a credulous rube on every corner. 

However, the best grifts are simple. They don’t involve rolled up sleeves or literal sleight of hand. There’s no need to have a late-night conference call with an out-of-work magician whose moral compass points somewhere towards Patagonia. That is to say, far from true North. 

What is it then? These simple grifts. As long as you’re pretending to be someone else, abiding by values and ethics that are more than fungible, you’ll be all right. May you always sway with the wind. Move when the needled does. Follow polls and trends, not your gut or soul. Do that, and you’ll be fine. Though the same can’t be said for those left in your wake. But every great artist needs an audience.

Since you can’t spell alive without lie, why not live one? Your bank account will thank you (but that’s only if it’s a financially-focused sentient being, manufactured by rogue government contractors).