Thyme Is On My Side

 

Walk into any restaurant and you’ll see dozens of grease-stained workers racing around doing the little things. They’re offering pepper, salt, and paprika to those who want it. A few others are bringing bowls of cheese and scallions to tables that need it. Some of the more panicked folks are picked up cough drop wrappers and other bits of detritus on the floor. While still others are in the back counting out the precise number of bay leaves needed for their dish. It’s because garnishing something comes in many forms. No one really cares about the potatoes, that’s not why they’re here. They’re focused on the sprigs of rosemary, counting them, chewing them, making sure these were bought from a produce stand and not in the sawdust covered corner of a nearby Home Depot. 

Herbs are what set a dish apart. Seasoning, too. On some level, we all know this. We comment when food is missing something, however slight it may be. Yet we don’t bring this knowledge and appreciation of garnishes into our daily lives. 

Watch as friends and loved ones stare into full length mirrors stumped at what clothes to wear to an important function. The clothes aren’t what matter. No one notices the clothes. They notice, instead, what your glasses look like, how gaudy your earrings are, and if your eyebrows could use a few brushstrokes from a local painter to bring them to heel. Don’t believe me? Then here’s an experiment to try. Next time you're at the annual Sons of Apollo banquet, first pick out the perfect outfit to wear. Then shave your eyebrows. See which one people notice. 

Buy the world’s most expensive, gorgeous, and powerful sports car. Then get an idiotic vanity plate and take note of which people comment on most. Your engine or your punning. It’s not your dog’s face people care about, but the color and quality of his bandana.

Next time you go out to eat, remember, thyme is on your side. And it’s not the fit of your dress that matters, but the pluckability of your nose hair, or something else that garnishes your appearance.