Playing Dress Up

Despite what Halloween evangelists will tell you, the purpose of a good costume isn’t to stand out, it’s to fit in. Don’t believe me? Then ask any wanted fugitive or master of espionage what are their thoughts on the matter; that’s if you can find them. D.B. Cooper didn’t parachute into the parking lot of Party City looking for a pair of novelty Groucho glasses after his successful skyjacking. That’s because, Mr. Cooper, or whatever his real name was, knew instinctively that your goal should be to move through crowds unnoticed. The last thing you want are clear identifiers, like a giant red wig, enormous plastic cigar, or clown shoes. So Ronald McDonald on his day off. 

Whether it’s collective psychosis brought on by the holiday’s dangerous connection with candy gorging or a nationwide disassociation from reality, one thing is clear, Halloween is a day most people forget how to dress. The rest of the time we’re playing our parts  to a tee. Who knew that when watching a big time college football game, most people in the stands yearned to be the mascot, not the star quarterback? You don’t have a big head unless it’s putting direct pressure on your upper vertebrae. 

Sugar rushes aside, what’s wild is that we take our cues from celebrities, the last people on earth we should be listening to on the subject. Why? Well, for one thing, they make a living on craving attention. And if they’re actors, all they do is play parts. Put it this way. Halloween is one role they get without having to audition.  

Many of us deride door-to-door salesmen and Jehovah’s Witnesses for their constant home intrusions. Yet somehow, it’s okay to knock on stranger’s front doors, demanding sweet compensation. This is one step away from a robbery. Because once again, we have it backwards. It’s on the trick-or-treater to provide gifts to the homeowner, not the other way around. That's simply being a polite guest.

If the bible has taught us anything it’s that you should never show up to a shindig empty-handed. They were three “wise” men for a reason. Actually, that wouldn’t be such a bad costume. That's if I knew where to find myrrh on short notice.