In the muddy and manure-filled pastures of rural Wisconsin, groups of sweaty inebriates partake in the timeless tradition of “cow tipping.” Only it’s not what you think it is. Cow tipping is what’s expected in our disturbed economy where after every act a palm is ready for a quick greasing. Bovines are no different. I’ve heard those on the subcontinent have enjoyed material gains for centuries.
Cow tipping is not knocking over a somnolescent farm animal. It’s writing a check, handing out some extra cash, tapping to pay up to an additional thirty percent. Cow tipping is giving cows their due. It’s thanking them for years (and gallons) of Parmalat, crème covered coffee cups, and even their beefy compatriots giving us meal after meal burger bliss. We tip waiters, valets, cashiers, but never the source of our pleasure. In this case, the black and white beasts giving so much joy to our lives.
They accept Apple Pay and Zell. Most of them have Venmo by now. The math isn’t simple because we’ve gone so long without tipping. It’ll be a long time before we’re back in the black. And chickens are next.
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