Letters From Santa

 

 

Jake,

I don’t know what it means to give you “experiences” over “things.” Enjoy the football. 

Regards,

Kris Kringle

 

Donna,

Sorry, but I can’t just make you an influencer. I can however include a bottle of my limited-edition spirit, Santa’s Frozen Whiskey. Naturally cold so you never need to order on the rocks. Click on the QR code to learn more about the distilling process. You’re over 21, right? 

Talk soon,

KK

 

Mark,

Unfortunately, international laws against human trafficking prohibit me from gifting you an actual elf. In any case, he wouldn’t even arrive in time. However, I can have one of my trusted advisors call you on FaceTime X-mas eve. Next best thing, I believe.

Merry Christmas,

Santa

 

Jon,

Yes, of course I’ve eaten reindeer before. 

Bon appetit,

 “Chef” Claus

 

Cora,

I started dying my beard in my early thirties. 

Thanks,

SC

 

Thad,

If I’m going to send you Bitcoin, I need an account number.

Best,

Sa. Cl.

 

Benji,

It doesn’t make you an “evil capitalist pig” to want a few toys for Christmas. 

thx,

Satan Claus

 

Catherine

I’ll tell Rudolph you said hi. And Mrs. Claus's first name is actually "Missus."

Sincerely,

Mister Claus

Barry,

My family anglicized “Kringle” sometime around the turn of the twentieth century, from the Russian Kringlekov. 

Obediently yours,

Yakov Kringlekov