Fossil Phew

  

In the spirit of the day, Earth Day, I want to make a solemn promise to my adoring audience slobbering their way through the archives: that this blog will be completely carbon neutral by the year 2050. That gives me plenty of time to get my affairs in order and use up my stockpile of aerosol cans. To get on the right side of history, it can take several decades and a massively lucrative financial push. By then, there will be no more reading in the car. No more writing in the car either. 

I’m in bed with fossil fuels (which makes me wish I never bothered to buy white sheets). It started innocently enough – with a few wisecracks at the expense of long extinct dinosaurs as a way to break the ice. When bonding with someone in this industry, I’ve found that insulting a T-Rex for their pea-sized brains and twiggy arms goes a long way. It may start as a whisper, since you won’t win friends in most circles through a pointed, evidence-based critique of the stegosaurus. 

This blog isn’t helping anyone - I know that. By 2050, I will have the skills required to write my ramblings on biodegradable material. One person (me) can read it and then either dispose of it safely or decide to eat it. The choice is theirs (mine). Plus, it goes great with soup. A bready “blog bowl” is just what this country needs. If you thought my sentences were hard to decipher now, imagine trying to read them through a thick serving of clam chowder, crackers and all. At least in this scenario you’ll be satisfied - or simply full. I’ve always felt strongly that truly palatable ideas should also be easily swallowable. How can you digest something interesting if you can't actually digest it?  

It’s true that I’m about to make a serious shift based on self-sacrifice and moral certainty. The good news is that I have about 30 years to come to terms with it. I don’t believe in making impulsive decisions. When I get off fossil fuels, I want to be sure that the only ones still left are under glass, in museums or laboratories. I’ve changed before and I’ll change again. In an earlier era, say the 1850s, when New Bedford was the place to be, this blog was powered entirely by whale oil. I wasn’t alone. The city of London was lit with the stuff, too. You could say this blog is merely a product of its times. But I can sense the ground shifting beneath my feet. 

Will the tone of the blog change, you wonder? Probably. Anything written on pita is decidedly different than the standard pallor you’ve grown accustomed to. And it's much, much tastier.