Attention shoppers: given the nationwide shortage in toilet paper, please feel free to ask any of our expertly trained staff members (they are denoted by large handwritten red letters reading “EXPERT” above their name tags) to direct you to the store’s surplus of viable alternatives on the loading dock out back.
What about paper towels? We talking perforated here, or what? I’m agnostic on the matter.
What about tortillas? Corn or flour?
What about bathmats? Throw in a doormat while you’re at it. And make it a nice with one with a nice greeting.
What about beach towels? Umbrellas, too? When folded properly, they’ll work.
What about newspapers? As in, print ones? Didn’t even know we still sold those.
What about paper plates? No, no. You mean paper napkins. Much better.
What about lettuce? Anything but kale is fine by me.
What about leaves? Don’t wait until October. Leaf peepers have a way of getting their ways.
What about what? Suit yourself. There’s a hose out back.
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