Wise Guise

I’m sure you’ve read (if you can read) about the Great Resignation, with all its greatness and resignationness. It is an unbelievably dramatic prediction where employees of all skill levels and hat sizes must embrace the healing power of job severance or be left in a lonely landscape of empty chairs and former friends. Not since the heyday of Big Tobacco has quitting looked so good.

However, this has left many a fine employer at a distinct crossroads. A crossroads not that different from the one Robert Johnson found himself at, guitar and contract in tow. Frankly, I’ve always had trouble comprehending why Johnson decided to sell his soul to the Devil versus offering installments, giving both parties a necessary trial period. A good return policy is the basis of halfway decent customer service. Didn’t he ever hear of the concept of rent-to-own? I love my car, but it’s a lease, so there’s always a way out. I’d imagine the Devil is against such an escape clause for his business partners, but what’s the harm in asking? Given what happened to the economy in the second half of the 20^th century, it’s unlikely Johnson received fair market value for his soul. He could have shopped around, too, asking the hornless. Are we that shocked RJ produced a couple great albums but died shortly thereafter? The question should be who Barry Manilow sold his soul to and for how much? 

Soul-selling aside, what are the leftover employees to do given the likelihood of this massive shakeup? Even if consulting Satan was an option, it’s unwise given his track record and aversion to modern technology. A good way to tell the contract you’re about to sign is a bad one is the presence of a quill. There’s being old-fashioned and then there’s being satanic. Because it’s already happening. Companies are hiring aliens (which are in the news now every day) and robots. Why? Well, doing so has a couple obvious benefits. In the first place, it increases productivity and secondly, it makes those in charge look much more human by comparison. You might think your boss is cold and unforgiving, but have you compared him to your Smart Freezer? 

We human beings are not powerless in this struggle between man and machine. We have makeup, don’t we? I’m not talking about some internal strength that comes in handy during periods of adversity. I mean actual makeup that helps when a person wishes to add a little extra blush to their terrestrial visage. We all probably have pieces of scrap metal laying around waiting to be scrounged.

If you can’t beat ‘em, emulate ‘em. In a way, we all are impersonating a person on a daily basis – the good worker, the hard worker. Why not go a step further and model our habits after the star visitor or sentient machine? If they can copy our every move, we ought to do the same. It’s worth a shot. If that doesn’t work, there’s always the Devil.