Kameo

 

Cameo is viewed in certain circles as a sad statement about the financial feasiblity of art. Look at it like this: Here are some of our favorite actors forced to regularly debase themselves for small bills and loose change, reading from a stranger’s silly script, they received only moments before hitting record. These videos show thespians at their most vulnerable, preying on their urge to perform. This desire to find a spotlight, wherever it shines, isn’t the fault of the subscriber, paying good money to see an idol brought down to earth. 

According to a usually reliable source, Kris Kringle has gotten into the act himself, suddenly leery of welcoming scores of children and adults onto his lap. For too long, he let his thighs be the brunt of Christmas shoppers' retail zeal. It’s an odd thing, being extremely fat yet spreading himself too thin each year. Might explain why he never shied away from Mrs. Claus’s serial baking, loading up on cookies and other sweet delights. 

With something other than the Christmas spirit in the air, Kris opted to stay home during his typicaly instense post-Thankgiving schedule. In the rush towards December 25^th, he tried to hit every major mall, as well as working out a deal with law enforcement and local DAs to expunge his record after years of breaking and entering. This year though, he’s too tired to try. 

Can you blame him? So he’s on Cameo for the first time. Bizarrely, few people have asked him for gifts, instead quizzing him on his connection to the Military Industrial Complex and fossil fuels as stocking stuffers. He’s been forced to debate angry carolers, utterly uninterested in presents. Still, fifty bucks a pop isn’t bad for a semi-retired, reindeer-loving recluse. Since they’re literally paying for his time, he has to take it, recording his detailed answers to their meandering questions. 

His job is easier this year. The thought being, everyone else works from home, why should he put himself in harm’s way? It’s dangerous enough dealing with NORAD and air traffic control, occupying evening airspace. He wishes good cheer to those that listen, and to those who don’t? Ordinarly, he would send them coal, a useful, yet rather messy gift. These days, things are different, especially with soaring gas prices. Like the rest of us, he’s gotten into gift cards.