Power Trip

 

This is your captain speaking and I’ll be the one flying today. You? You’ll be sitting when I say and maybe standing when I say it’s okay. Welcome aboard for what should be a brief, yet eventful flight. I don’t have a co-pilot today. Dave’s more like a codependent enabler, bowing to my every whim, caving to my every caprice, and telling me what a great job I’m doing at all times. Plus, he holds the wheel when I'm eating.

I used to be just like you, struggling to buckle my safety belt, wondering what sticky substance was causing my tray table to stay in its upright and locked position during mealtime. Wondering how they made ice cubes look like that. Not anymore.

I’m a pilot. You wouldn’t tell a bus driver how to drive, so you wouldn't tell a man in my position how to fly. You trust me. I get off knowing that without me, you folks would still be on the Oregon Trail, dropping from dysentery, slapping some oxen, sleeping with one eye open, terrified of a sudden Indian attack. Not me. I’m on a higher level. 

I know that you people bought a plane ticket for New York to Chicago, but the route I take is up to me. Look, I will get you there. It might take a little longer than you expected, but that’s why God gave us time zones. I have an extra hour to play with. What are you worried about? You’re not in a rush. I’d like to take a more scenic route, one that makes a few maneuvers out west, show off some of this country’s greatest National Parks.

Robots can fly these planes, that’s no longer even in doubt. But you chose a person, one with his own pathologies and passions. Don't forget, a pilot is a moving object. 

 

My colleagues never believed this day would ever come. Saying that I wasn’t mentally equipped to fly. Too many demerits and HR issues. I’ll show them (right now). Remember: it’s not a hijacking if you know what you’re doing. I’m many things, but one thing I’m not is an amateur. 

 

Oh, one more thing. No talking, no walking, no movies, no meals. No bathroom breaks, no sleeping, no laughing, no squeals.  No sighing, no miming, no barking, no spiels. I need silence to concentrate and minimal distractions. Thanks in advance. 

 

Enjoy the flight.