Advance Malaise for Clove Cussler’s GARLIC PRESS: How a certain flowering plant can revolutionize and save the Fourth Estate from certain death, and taste a whole lot better in the process.
“The subtitle is a little long, no?”
-Peels Morgan
“This is not a good book in the sense that it’s well-written. The author isn’t a stylist and he doesn’t have a way with words. But the subject matter is important. I’ll give him that.”
-Allium O'Flaherty
“As I’m writing this, the book is situated between two rolls of the softest toilet paper. I won’t name it – since such a double-barreled advertisement wouldn't be fair. Charmin' hasn't ponied up any money for the privilege. Oops.”
-Harper Leek
“No expense was spared in the writing on this tome. Except for maybe an editor. I mean, really. The book jacket is big enough it could replace my vintage down coat. All I’d have to do is cut a few arm holes in each sleeve and resign myself to adorning my backside with the author’s portrait until the start of spring.”
-H.G. Smells
“Look, I didn’t read it. I was supposed to. I had months and months of email reminders and phone calls from my agent. It must've slipped my mind. There are quite a few things higher on my priority list than discursive takes on garlic. I just couldn’t pick it up and get started. But I have the benefit of reading the other blurbs first. And I have to say…interesting.”
-Chive James
“I don’t get it. Is the newspaper made from garlic or is garlic a metaphor for the bitter taste hard news tastes like for the average consumer? Is a double-page spread suddenly something done on toast with a butter knife and a few turns from a nearby pepper mill?”
-Bulb Costas
“Thought it was going to more about the whole happy onion family. Very disappointed.”
-Mel Cooks
“The author dances around the issue but never takes a firm stance on the use of garlic powder. It’s almost like he’s afraid to alienate a certain segment of the pizza-chewing public.”
-Immanuel Plant
“Not the book anyone needed or remotely wanted. Though it did give me the motivation to bake some garlic bread. If you want to call that a positive, albeit unintended consequence, so be it.”
-Elizabreath Gilbert
“Great, now I’m hungry.”
-Garrlic Shandling
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