Thoughts and Hot Air

I was once religious in my relentless devotion to giving gifts to friends, family, colleagues, and strangers. I had a detailed spreadsheet of birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and every significant moment worthy of celebration. I hoarded wrapping paper all year round, filling an entire room of my home with ribbons, bows, boxes, tape, and scissors. Everything a person needs to deliver the ideal gift without a UPS uniform. I knew everyone’s address by heart. 

Like I said, that’s what I used to do. I spent thousands of dollars every month on appliances, books, a stockpile of generic gifts so I was never caught off guard or worse, empty-handed. Then something changed. I realized I was adding to the clutter of their lives. People whom I allegedly cared about. That’s when I found the perfect solution. 

Thoughts and prayers. Instead of wasting time browsing Amazon or camping out in the Walmart parking lot just before dawn, I close my eyes and think about the person. First off, it’s free. And though I was becoming a minor celebrity in the halls of my local post office, I don’t miss the waiting and the survey questions buried at the bottom of long receipts. I don’t have to worry. Then when I do see the recipient in person on speak to them on the phone, I say, “did you get my gift?” When they act confused, I explain the deal to them. this way, the next good thing that happens to them I can take full credit. “Oh, you got a new job. Must’ve been my thoughts and prayers that did the trick.” 

The great thing about thoughts are how unspecific they are. I start by thinking about anything. A baseball game, what’s for dinner, if they’ll ever repair the pothole on the end of my block. Prayers are more focused, and usually deal with the person in question. Sometimes I can even do things in bulk and offer the same thoughts to the same person. This is how Christmastime goes. Honestly, I can always just say “I’m thinking of you,” without actually thinking anything beyond that phrase. Who’s going to check?  

It's gotten me into meditating, which is how my thoughts and prayers generally evolve. First there’s a thought, then a prayer, and pretty soon I’m oming on the nearest yoga mat. I’m much more relaxed, too. Since I’ve switched to my new gifting method, I have so much more free time. For one thing, I get far fewer paper cuts than I used to.