Runoff

 

 

Ask any farmer and they will tell you that runoff used to be a much simpler problem to contain. Sure, it happened after it rained or a big thaw. It was old-fashioned pollution of the sort our grandfathers understood. It’s what destroyed the New York harbor’s veritable bivalve paradise, where scooping up oysters from the river was a time-honored midmeal pastime. Not happy with the restaurant’s oyster offerings? Then go find your own mollusk, free of charge. 

Things are different now. Runoff isn’t just a stormy byproduct of a sudden weather event. It happens when two imbeciles talk too much. We can’t act like this is something that only affects farmers, as much as we wish it were the case. Whenever there’s a buildup of nonsense and stupidity, this is what you get. Trouble is, there’s no simple way to get rid of it.

This is the runoff we deserve. My only recommendation is to wear tall boots, thick socks, and ear plugs. The beauty of having a brain injury is two-fold. For one thing, you don't know you're a moron. And you aren't ashamed for being a moron. You're only interested in votes (and paying off impregnated women).