Vote with your feet

I first learned about “civic duty” during high school. Back then, it was defined as the obligation of every citizen to drive a moderately priced Japanese sedan instead of something a bit more ostentatious. Like say, a Honda Civic. There were no Teslas in those days. In recent years, it’s taken on a totally new meaning. It’s about our role as citizens in a representative democracy, I think. 

One thing you hear about a lot is to “vote with your feet.” I tried it last year during the mayoral election and you would've thought I committed some new type of voter fraud (stop the heel). The volunteers were sickened by the display. Yes, I had to remove my shoes and socks. My feet are a little clumsy when covered. What did they expect? We can’t all have the dexterity of a concert podiatrist. 

What bothered me is their reaction. I did a handstand and put the chained pen between big toe and index toe (if that’s what we’re calling it). You would’ve thought these poor people had never seen a Tarantino movie. But feet are very much in the news now. I mean, coverage of the New York City marathon over the weekend was inescapable. I’m guessing none of the runners were jogging on their hands. 

That said, I have a few learnings from last election cycle. It helps if you don’t cut your toenails for a few weeks prior. You’ll find it much easier to grip writing implements. However, just because you’re foregoing one aspect of hygiene, doesn’t mean you should abandon all forms of cleanliness. Soak your feet in a warm bucket of soap water. It’s a nice gesture to everyone involved, especially when you start untying your shoelaces in public. Depending on the weather in your area, you might want to wear sandals. It makes for a more efficient process. While writing with your feet is OK, reading with them is not. So be sure to give the ballot a once over in case your bubbles are a bit too bulbous for the voting machines. 

Voter fraud is when you get a pedicure with significant fake nail extensions. The question there would be: who’s voting? If it’s not your actual nail touching the pen, then whose is it? I vote in a school gymnasium, which is the site of incredible feats. 

So hit the polls. But first, give your feet a nice scrub.