The Gog of War

Someone like me is always looking for breadcrumbs (actual breadcrumbs, since I hear they are the secret to making a sturdy meatball). But also, figurative ones that lead to a greater understanding of the world around us. Little clues that show how far we’ve come or how far we still have to go.

As a sports fan, the only thing I care about more than salaries are celebrations. I’m not as interested in the games anymore. What I enjoy is seeing a rookie accountant struggle to find room for all the zeroes leaping off his form. What’s really fun is seeing a team in pure ecstasy after a championship. 

In the old days, there was risk involved. Some called it reasonable, others not so much. Either way, it was accepted that after the final victory of the season, one player on the team would play the role of destruction emcee. A quasi-Keith Moon type figure helping to orchestrate the festivities in a righteous manner. Because you can’t party halfway. 

This could mean taking doors off the hinges, throwing television sets out of hotel rooms, and yes, uncorking bottles of champagne like a military salute. The thinking went something like this: you have the whole off season to recover, so what’s the problem? 

I used to wonder what it meant to be cool. Was it wearing a leather jacket on a hot summer night? Emulating Miles Davis at the height of his fame? Or was it tossing an olive from a martini directly into your mouth without the slightest bit of trouble? The truth has been staring in the face for some time now.

The embodiment of cool in the 21^st century is a multi-millionaire athlete wearing a pair of protective goggles during a champagne-fueled championship celebration. That says everything you need to know about where we are as a society. You wouldn’t want a little bubbly to ruin the fun. The reason why people during prohibition gravitated towards bathtub gin was simple: it was in a bathtub. Champagne showers leave too much to chance. 

Unbridled joy should come with a seatbelt and bicycle helmet. Safety first, party later.