Everyone knows the big boys, the former governors, presidents,
congresspeople and the independently wealthy, currently
running for our nation’s highest office. But the cast of
characters is much wider than years past. Here’s a quick
rundown of the others seeking the presidency. The supporting
characters who could end up in a starring role by November of
next year.
Russell “Rusty” Charlatagne is a good ol’ boy from the deep
backwoods of Louisiana. He’s read three books in his life. The
Bible, three times.
Mary Recklace once ran for local comptroller and later ran over
her ex-husband with a pickup truck. He lived, she won.
Bart Lidder hopes he can resonate with the public at-large by
repeatedly banging his head against a municipal dumpster.
T. Anthony Duntz loves graft, corruption, and racketeering.
Shira Dopes is pushing to alter the United States Constitution to
include an array of progressive awomendments.
Si Templeton is not particularly religious, unless you count
believing he himself is God Incarnate.
The Johnson Twins may have figured out how to bring bicameral legislation to the executive branch. Individually, they aren’t that smart, but together, they exceed the average president by a hair.
Jack Joseph President legally changed his name to “President” in time to collect signatures. We no longer have to wonder if this candidate is “presidential.”
Rufus is 7 (35 in dog years), this golden retriever is ready to lead the free world, as long as there aren’t any fire trucks in the vicinity. Wouldn't be the first president to lick himself though.
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