Thursday, November 30, 2023

Empty Office Space

 

Many ad agencies are struggling with the monumental task of getting employees to return to the office. People far smarter than me have argued that to accomplish this they must provide real incentives. 

 

Typical perks involve cacophonous foosball tables accompanied by raucous players, hooting at every shot. Some agency leaders prefer to keep a few pooches around, free candy, a stocked fridge, and a sizable fish tank. Music in the bathrooms and bad art in the hallways. But this is expected.  

 

I’m partial to the carrot and stick method. The carrot being actual jars of carrots left on every open surface, and the stick being room temperature sticks of unsalted butter to encourage baking. Adding beds and showers isn’t a bad idea either. You can’t expect people to sleep in the office if they don’t have a place to catch a few hours of shuteye.


Frankly, if open offices were truly open, they would remove all the desks, chairs, computers and other obtrusive tech so people could take wind sprints through the building. Steve Prefontaine was fast on a track, but how would he have fared across carpet, linoleum and fake wood? Too bad we won't ever find out. 

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