The Stet Gala

 

Welcome to The Stet Gala, where mistakes are made, then embraced. Some events reflect society perfectly, while others are so hideous you can’t look away. Take a guess which category tonight falls into. Oh, I see someone coming up the red carpet now. Is that who I think it is? From that show no one liked but everyone praised. I’m not sure, but I think so. And guessing here is good enough. This event seems to attract middling celebrities barely hanging onto their last remaining shred of relevancy. 

Our first person is dressed like a young, sultry Thomas the Tank Engine. Why? Because his entire career has been a trainwreck and we deal in scandal, gossip and poorly thought-out metaphors. Here’s an unidentifiable woman now. A politician, an actress, a fashion maven. I can’t really say.  Other than she’s wearing nothing but an oversized staple, hardly covering her, conveying to the gawking paparazzi that she’s an invaluable addition to any situation. 

A group of reality stars are confidently walking up the red carpet, pretending to be someone else. Here’s a decent actor who likes like an idiot. I won’t try to describe his outfit since to do so, would be an object lesson in foolishness. I don’t know what material he’s wearing, nor do I care.

Here’s my gardener now, holding a piece of heavy flagstone and a tray of neon green sod. So artificial it’s real. He waves, he bows, and he waters the audience. 

Just so you don’t think I’m merely the messenger, deriding the sartorially confused, I too am wearing something interesting. In this case, it’s a piece of the red carpet I was able to tear off using my teeth and a rusted razorblade. People walk all over me all the time in spirit, but not in actuality. Why not give them the chance to do it on the biggest stage?

When you get a free moment, change the channel.