Greetings, comrades. I have a few items that may be to your liking. Material that’s anything but immaterial. Frankly, it’s how you can help support the means of my production. The first thing you’ll need is a collection of t-shirts, bumper stickers and hats that show the pesky bourgeois just what you have in store for them. After all, you’re a proletariat, not an amateurtariat. So start dressing like it.
Because you can’t have a revolution without the proper attire. That’s why our incomparably breathable linen Balaclavas are moving faster than a breadline. It’s a luxury to revolt during the colder months. But with the climate getting warmer, every revolutionary must adapt. I’ve heard that the Siberian gulag is beginning to resemble Margaritaville. Hope you like vodka and cabbage.
Art is important. It’s why we’ve commissioned large oil paintings you can hang of yourself throughout your home. But before doing so, please enjoy a complimentary therapy session. Why? Because you can’t have a cult of personality without first having a personality.
Need to indoctrinate an infant? Go home with a bag of red diapers. Taking a hike to a remote portion of our nation’s vast wilderness? Well, fellow traveler, try this frame pack large enough to hold any struggle. Doing yard work this weekend? Then you’ll most likely need a nice hammer and sickle to separate the neighborhood wheat from the chaff. And why not take a great leap forward with a pair of running shoes? Feeling an overwhelming sense of capitalist malaise? Try Uncle Joe’s cup of Joe. Can't finish your meal? A rare feat here, but if it's the case, enjoy a takeaway glass box where your leftovers are entombed just like Lenin. Eat it tomorrow or in a century, it'll taste about the same.
Hold on a second. Breaking news, we’re closed indefinitely due to my employees staging a little workplace revolt.
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