BROmides

If I’m not a dummy, then why is there a cord sticking out of my back? 

Rub your eyes in the morning unless you moisturize with chili powder. 

Keep burning your dinner? Add some sunscreen next time. 

Don’t sweat the small stuff, unless it’s a tiny lighter and sweating just can’t be helped. 

Chapter 11 is only the end of the book if you close the page right then and there skipping the acknowledgements. 

Don’t let others define you – unless they work for Merriam-Webster’s.

When you don’t know where you’re going, how can you ever be lost?  

How come homework was so bad but working from home is so good? 

Don’t forget why you got into this business. Unless you can’t remember due to a violent orientation seminar.

You probably think socks are cool, right? Ones with funny patterns or caricatures of Secretary Generals of the United Nations. Nope. Guess again, Mr. Annan. How do you expect to know if you bought a good pair of kicks when you’ve never considered cutting out the sneaky middleman? Socks are just another way Big Footwear keeps you on your heels - when you should be on your toes. 

The secret to being happy is stapling your smile in place. Although, I guess it’s not a secret anymore now that I’m sharing it out loud. 

Back when the world was in black and white, no one worried about gray hairs. 

You can spend more time with your family if you treat everyone and everything you meet like a member of your family. 

You should always be selling. Even when you’re at a deli counter and the whole point of the transaction is buying. 

Wake up with a purpose when you wake up with a porpoise.