Cliff Hanger's

Clifford Hanger entered this world exactly as he left it. 

On the floor of a crowded kindergarten class, with sockless and shoeless students sprawled out on the juice-stained carpet, the teacher prepared her surroundings for show and tell. The day before she had asked everyone to bring in a household item with a brief explanation of its function and purpose. Cliff loved show and tell. The year before, during pre-k, he walked in with nothing but an expected cri de coeur. When the teacher began scolding him for his impertinence he said, “what I have is right here, inside.” Cliff spoke of existential dread, suburban malaise and ubiquitous despair. The teacher now knew where those missing thesauruses had gone from the 8^th grade homeroom. On this day, Cliff wasn’t empty handed. He brandished something, shiny, nearly blinding the teacher with its glint. 

It was supposed to be dinner and a movie, but the movie would come first. Cliff met his date at the ticket booth. She wanted to see Put That Apple Down, You’ll Ruin Your Appetite, an alternate history where Adam and Eve go out for a dinner and a movie to the chagrin of the garden’s master snake. Cliff preferred Sunrise Boulevard, starring a zombie William Holden seeking revenge on all who wronged him - Norma, Hollywood, pools. Cliff pulled out a fifty dollar bill from his wallet, more than enough to cover both tickets. 

Cliff’s mother was miffed at the taste of her chef’s herb-broasted chicken. Something about it was off. Why broasting? The pan was clean, the oven was new, and the ingredients were above reproach. Still, she couldn’t eat it. Not yet anyway. “Clifford, could you please pass the salt, dear?”

The fire started at the end of the block. It engulfed a Toyota and Cliff held his phone and dialed 9-1. He heard sirens and wondered if it made sense for him to also call. Wouldn’t that just annoy the fire department? 

It was a long day already. Cliff stood in line for “returns” at an appliance store. His dehumidifier was defective and he wanted his money back. When he reached the register the employee winked at him. 

Cliff went hiking with a few friends in the Catskills. They found a nice patch of ground to picnic with vast sight lines in every direction. A friend, not a close friend, but close enough to be included dropped his phone off the edge, down into the valley below. It had a case, but still. Nothing, certainly not an Apple product, could survive a fall like that. “Good thing you have cell phone insurance,” Cliff said. But none of them did. Cliff looked out on the edge and inched closer and closer, moving his toes to the pebbles crumbling with each step. “It’s not like you have any service out here anyway. Anyone else thirsty?” On his way back to the picnic blanket, Cliff slipped and nearly fell off the cliff. 

Waiting at a bus stop, Cliff noticed a stranger reading a thick novel in his hand. He couldn't stand fiction, never seemed able to finish what he started. Admiring the cover he asked the man on the bench, "how does it end?"