Chain Gang

How do you hunker down and get things done? Do you light a candle, say a prayer and turn up the stereo well past a friendly level? I don’t do any of that – not anymore. I’ve become inured to unproductivity, embracing time-tested procrastination techniques like fresh squeezed goose down pillows. You see, I’ve tried it my way. I’ve tried hunkering without assistance, from home, from wherever. And you know what, it’s not working. I’m not working. I sit there and stare, with my shirt threadbare eating a ripe pear (when in season). 

This explains why I’m back at the office. However, I won’t be doing the same old routine of clocking in and clocking out at reasonable hours. I will be part of an elite program of natural go-getters voluntarily allowing their superiors to chain them to their desks. Plenty of folks talk about being chained to their desks, burning the midnight oil, but how many truly shackle up when the situation demands it? 

Instead of complaining about your boss’s inclination towards handcuffing your thoughts, present your wrists like a surrendering perp and get to work. I know this isn’t what they teach you in business school. The only thing touch-feely in the working world should be the cold metal irritating your skin after twelve to fourteen hours. The truth is, I find it even difficult to work when handcuffed. It’s not that the ideas don’t flow like Medieval honey wine, they do. But I’m preoccupied with picking the lock. I find an ancient paper clip, straightening it between my teeth as a makeshift key. That frees my hands, but my feet are still connected to the desk. I’m not going anywhere. 

Working on a creative chain gang is a joyous experience. You get to know the people by your side in a way that most open offices never allow for. There’s no brainless ambling through the halls looking for that one true stapler. You are assembling something - what? That's unimportant. Who needs Ritalin to hyperactivity when a chain does the trick?

There are questions that remain. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of dragging a desk down a stairwell during a move, well, you should know that during an emergency it’s a bit more complicated. Though I sure have ducking covered.