The Intern Ship

I hear from young people all the time about, among other things, internships. They are dying to know where to kickstart their career into overdrive. Though most internships offer little to no pay, they somehow remain awfully hard to come by. It’s not easy to get a job – even an unpaid one. Landing a proper internship that you’ll be proud to tell strangers in between appetizers is often related to who you know.

It shouldn’t be like that. You shouldn’t be at the mercy of a distant family friend who once worked as a shoeshine boy at NBC polishing many a wingtip of many a higher up. But how else is a person supposed to get his or her feet in the door? Especially when those very same feet are meant to shine. 

First of all, you’re not supposed to ask for a job like this. They aren’t paying you – remember? There was once this man named Blackboro who yearned to join a tropical expedition. He dreamed of salty mornings and lookouts from the crow's nest. So what did he do? He didn’t sit on his hands, waiting for them to go numb, and send in applications to local ship captains seeking strapping seamen. No, he stowed away on a ship. Soon he was discovered by the individual in charge, Sir Ernest Shackleton, who threatened to eat him if it came to that. While the ship went a little past the tropics for frostier waters, Blackboro was content being part of a team. 

You should be too. Now it’s little trickier stowing away in big office buildings with security desks and ID cards. But every building has a side entrance and a freight elevator. Get in with the janitorial staff and find a cozy space in a duct or electrical closet from which you can spread your wingtips. 

When people finally get back to the office, you’ll have been there for a few weeks or even months. Break the ice by giving people coffee and offering up non-threatening compliments like "nice keyboard." Is there the possibility that someone on the executive floor mentions cannibalism in passing as a way to literally get under your skin? Of course. But that didn’t stop Blackboro from living out his frostbitten fever dreams well south of the equator. So you shouldn’t be dissuaded either. Eventually, you'll be called into a conference room for a big meeting and no one will ask about your sleeping arrangements or how many reams of paper does a good pillow make. They will just want to see if you work hard and stay late. The second part is the easiest. With everyone working remotely, the best way to stand out will be to actually live in the office. 

So stowaway for that big internship this summer. Unless they're paying you, they have no business telling you how to live.