Sorry, But That Won’t Fly Today

There are the obvious examples, the ones that first come to mind during any conversation on the subject of what would and wouldn’t fly today. The ostriches, the penguins, the emus. Flightless birds who don’t believe wings are necessarily meant to flap beneath a cool breeze and well above the clouds. To them, these natural wonders of ours, flight is overrated. It’s dangerous. In the old days, the only thing birds had to contend with up there were other birds. Friends, or at least, friends of friends. On the rare occasion that a soused Frenchman with a penchant for buoyancy entered the fray, they might be forced to watch out for a wicker basket attached to a hot air balloon. Hardly the Saturn 5. 

But that wasn’t until the tail end of the 18^th century. Up until that point they’d had quite the run of things. Sure, there were lanterns and other  flotsam, but mostly it was free of nonsense. No planes, helicopters, or beachcombing buffoons wearing baggy jeans and hooded sweatshirts operating a small drone while their family frolics in the surf.

I’m sure there are people, rich people, perhaps good friends of mine, who are right now working on a way to get the flightless into orbit. Don’t they get it? This is a choice. The flightless birds, the kiwis, the cassowaries, the rheas – they are grounded on purpose. They’ve seen the flights in and out of Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport and that's enough to send them into the sand dunes. What? You didn’t think birds understood radar? That was only bats, right? Wrong. The feathered few understood radar when you were still going out with birdfeeders. 

Plus, do you honestly believe that a penguin couldn’t fly under the right circumstances? Of course, they could. They just don’t want to. It’s too crowded up there, especially now and especially in the future. They watch their friends, the seagulls, the pigeons, the geese, maligned by the public for interfering with landings and takeoffs and have made the determination that it’s not worth it. No one wants to be on Sully's bedside - not again. Things are much better on terra firma. It’s a choice, like any other. All I ask is that you respect their choice and don’t place chickadees on a higher plane than the kiwi. Who needs the headache? Not with Musk and Bezos crowding the clouds. Many have taken up swimming to fill the emotional and physical void. Can you blame them?

They are far from the only thing that doesn’t fly today either. Staplers, minivans, Pan Am, to name just three. Before you get all high and mighty pontificating about how this or that doesn’t fly today, think of our flightless friends. Because while they don’t fly anymore, they used to. And who knows, maybe they will again one day when the skies are clearer and the future a bit sunnier. Because it wouldn't be a normal flight without a significant delay.