Throwing Money At Your Problems

There are hardly any problems on earth that aren’t, at least in part, mitigated by throwing money at them. As you might have guessed, this is not a metaphor. For generations, people have interpreted this expression as anything but literally – much to their own obvious peril. 

This was easier in bygone days, when pirates plundered to wade waist-deep in mountains of doubloons. Coins, as you might imagine, can be thrown in a variety of appealing, aerodynamic ways. First, there’s the long toss – picture a baseball player having a catch to warm up before the game. Then there’s the quick flick – picture the two-finger swatting of a pesky insect on a hot and humid day. Then there’s the classic flip – picture two degenerate gamblers slavering of the endless possibilities while the coin remains tantalizingly and fleetingly in-flight.  

Throwing a bill or two takes practice and perseverance. But as any veteran cash thrower knows, wads are where it’s at. These zip through the air unseen yet admired. But the days of cash are waning. The hour of cashless approaches, where do we go from here? 

Who’s even heard of throwing cryptocurrency? What would that entail? I’m no expert, but there’s just no way it is easier than pelting someone with a silver dollar or Buffalo nickel. Throwing blockchain at problems might work, if it involved big blocks and heavy chains - the ones cyclists use to secure their rides in bad neighborhoods. However, I’m no economist. But as far as I can tell, it’s far more abstract than that. Perhaps this is the way in for the average person. Give them something to throw, before you give something to grow. At least with credit cards, the weight allows you to send them through the air like a ninja star. Good luck doing the same with this modern junk. 

The big reason barter endured for as long as it did in the marketplace of things is the relative ease of throwing an orange, banana, or a thousand other hot (or cold) commodities. No one questioned you for hurling a coconut during a financial dispute. What would you do today on, God forbid, the Dark Web? Enlist lawyers to sort it out? I hope not.

I’d recommend throwing money at your problems. But who knows how long I’ll be able to say that. To be safe, feel free to throw your hard drive, too.