Just the other day, I met this amazing guy in my home of all places. At first, I wondered if he was lost or I left the door open again. However, any concerns soon dissipated when he began talking about himself. What a smart cookie. Much more Milano than Chips Ahoy. As he rattled off details about his backstory, I quickly realized how much the two of us had in common.
Having grown up in New Jersey during the heyday of MTV’s Jersey Shore, I could tell he was mildly ashamed of his home state. I knew he needed more than a compliment. Telling him what a great guy he was wouldn’t cut it. So I handed him a large wad of cash. I’m not completely sure how much I gave him, since it was pre-rolled and stuffed into my file cabinet labeled “Italian Wedding fund.”
He took the money without hestitation. I told him to spend it on something fun. That's when his eyes brightened like a fresh stone fruit.
Here’s the deal. Do you know how hard it is to walk into someone’s home unannounced in the middle of the night and not have them call the police? It’s very hard. I still can’t believe I didn’t do it. Most of us take it for granted that when a stranger enters our front door, they will be knocked down by a series of security gadgets in place to deter future visitors. Having disabled my alarm system for the privilege of conversation is truly something to behold.
It was getting late, so I decided to show my new friend the door. That’s when he disappeared. I started to worry. Maybe he was gorging himself on my cache of peaches – or worse – plums. I checked everywhere for him. Looking around corners and under couches. He took the money and ran, or so it seemed.
Before accepting the mystery of my visitor’s disappearance, I caught a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. It was dark and I was tired. You understand? Turns out I had been talking to the mirror all along. I was the visitor. Good thing I didn’t call the cops. They wouldn’t understand.
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