Putinesca Recipe

Before getting started, one thing you won’t need are morals. They’re no good here. Nor will you have any use for shirts. Or aprons, or chef hats. You will need a winter hat. Even with climate change, Russia only has about a day and half of summer each August. Otherwise, it’s snow and goulash, just not always in that order. But for this recipe, the fewer layers the better. 

However, to make your dish, you will need help. Lots of help from all over the world. From corners and crevices, not to mention crevasses and crannies. No nooks though. 

You need a pinch of patsies and a sprinkling of toadies. A helping of lackeys and a dusting of flunkies. A hint of bootlickers and a zesting of boobs. Sycophants to taste. You need an apologist marinade and a doormat seasoning. A pound of pawns and a teaspoon of tools. A cup of yes-men, a quart of gopher boys, and a gallon of fall guys. You need a morsel of minions and a blend of pushovers. And a stew of suckers, stooges, saps, and chumps. And you can’t skimp on the idiots or morons. They make up most of it, filling in every gap. 

To make “putinesca” you need all sorts of friends and allies. Figure that out and you can have anything you please. Dessert or sovereign nations, depending on your appetite. Because you can’t do it alone.