Road Protested

Let’s say you’re interested in doing a five hour protest in a city center. The first thing you need to objectively answer is whether you honestly have five hours of material. Many activists think they have plenty to draw from, until raucous pedestrians, police officers and revolutionary figures rattle their confidence and sense of purpose.

You need about twice that to comfortably endure the chaos of a long protest. It helps to have even more. The truth is that not every rhyme works on every crowd. A band is no different. Having a few albums helps assemble a stellar setlist, otherwise you’re just playing your first record straight through, including the songs most fans skip. 

There’s also the problem of syllables when it comes to chanting. Take Derek Jeter. He was a great player, a legendary player. At the start of every home game, the Bronx bleacher faithful would shower him with rhythmic chants, “Der-ek Je-ter.” We can say it now, since he’s long retired, but his name had as much to do with his success than his statistics. Imagine if instead of being Derek Jeter, he was Derek Sanderson, his actual middle name. “De-rek San-der-son.” The syllables are no longer equally distributed, creating a clunky chant. I doubt he would’ve made an All Star game with an name like that, let alone the Hall of Fame. Protests are no different. You can easily “Boy-cott Star-Bucks,” while boycotting Trader Joe’s is a taller, grander, ventier order.

Good thing I have some advice that could change activism as we know it. Like a comedian who carefully hones their craft for years in small town dives before landing under the bright lights of New York or Hollywood, activists would be wise to follow a similar path. Why not start blocking traffic in a town with a single traffic light before clogging the main arteries in a major hub? That way, they can work out the kinks in relative obscurity, anywhere from Dubuque to Gulfport, away from the harsh glow of important media centers.

Too many activists skip the minor leagues, preferring the instant gratification of landing on the cover of the New York Post. But they would be better served understanding that mastering any skill takes time, trial and error. 

Before the revolution is televised, you need several hundred unaired dress rehearsals.