I wasn’t sure about the proposed TikTok ban, but then I thought better of it. Did you realize that the app is mandatory for everyone under 18? Did you know that most of the content is lifted word-for-word from Mao’s Little Red Book? So that what children are watching is essentially the Chinese Communist Party set to dance music? Or that at the precise moment the umbilical cord is cut, an iPhone cord appears to ease the child’s transition, so they never have suffer through a word that’s cordless for very long? Did you know that it’s really hard to put you phone down when someone on screen demonstrates real rhythm? Did you know that the first rule of international espionage is to create extremely amateurish videos of mommy influencers driving while telling you about their typical day? Or did I just make all that up?
I honestly can’t tell anymore, what I thought of and what has been inserted into my cerebellum by boys in Beijing. I guess I’ll have to open up the app myself to confirm.
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