Toxic Workplaces

You see it on your phone, computer and whatever still counts these days as a tablet. Toxic work environments are everywhere. They take up inches of space online as we, the gossiping regularos, learn about what goes on behind closed doors on some of the biggest and most popular television shows. There’s a daily drip, a steady stream, a continuous cataract of news like this. Yet, what constitutes toxic is rarely defined by reporters. They keep it vague. But this isn’t the time to be vague, it’s the time to be excruciatingly specific. Like when ordering pepper at restaurant, the coarseness of the grind and origin of the spice cannot be understated. To say, “gimme pep, garçon” is how one ends up with tiny McDonald’s packets covering the backseat of your car. 

In the old days, when pay phones were a legitimate refuge for average people, toxicity in the workplace was easy to diagnose and easier to find. You’d come back from a meeting and find a box of PCBs in your open file cabinet, under the Lo Mein and next to your Rolodex. Or maybe there was more sewage than usual collecting in the communal sink, under the Moo Shu and next to the fax. Perhaps, the storage closet popped open accidentally, revealing a stockpile of DDT, recalling the mindless days of crop dusting the ozone layer into oblivion. Ah, to be young and flying again. Breathe deeply, my friends.

Today, it’s different. The aforementioned spectacles are all well-hidden, away from prying guys and out of light. But that isn’t to say office toxicity has dissipated one bit. While chlorine gas shindigs and asbestos parties are no longer welcomed substitutes for grand holiday soirees, there are other, less noticeable things just as pernicious.

Sometimes, when there’s a box of doughnuts, cookies or another universally acclaimed baked good near reception, crumbs spill out of the overly creased cardboard corners. This can quickly lead to an infestation. And you know what? Even with that obvious risk, nobody picks them up. Not until all the food is gone and it’s too late. The damage is already done.

 

Discovering that the coffee in the office isn’t free trade, the paper in the printer came directly from the fiery Amazon, or water in the cooler was drained straight from the bubbly Caspian, will send any concerned person to the latrines. Too few smiles, too many scowls. Bosses should speak in gentle, honey-coated whispers, abstaining from desk pounding and the ceremonial throwing of unclaimed staplers.

It’s hard out there for an employee of a huge multi-national corporation. Bear in mind that not all toxic environments smell like sulfur. 

Stay safe out there.